Thursday, January 21, 2010

Effectively Immediately

Please note I will no longer be updating this blog (I'm sure most of you already noticed this). I have decided to combine my two blogs to create my new blog "Loose Lips, Cute Hips". Come join me at my new blog as I navigate through life, parenting, fitness, and just random crap.

Thank you to all my dedicated readers. I hope to see you at the new blog.


Monday, November 19, 2007

Dammit Hot Monkey Balls!!!

I am so peeved that it cost me $100 to fill up my tank. Son of a monkey ball dragon! Okay, so yes I drive a suburban, but this is insane. It used to only cost me $60-$70 and that was just last year. What the hell? I usually don't complain about the cost of gas, I have so much more stuff to complain about. But this is crazy. Yeah, I could get another car to cut down on gas but I don't want to. I love Big Blue. Yes, I've named my car. Stop hating. Blue is the best, haven't figured out the gender yet. I can pack my whole life into Blue. My boys can sit on opposite sides of the car and I don't have to turn around screaming at them to stop fighting every five minutes. The hubster has made Blue real nice to make long drives very comfortable. I don't want to lose Blue, I NEED Blue. We are one. And, besides who doesn't love a surbuban? Can you say your car was in Transformers? I think not. Okay, so Blue wasn't exactly in Transformers but it's family members were. Man, that is like the best movie ever....except for Purple Rain. Nobody can touch Prince. I've seen this movie like a million times and still get thrilled by it. BEST MOVIE EVER! And, if you don't think so...go suck an egg.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I'm Famous Now

Yep, I'm famous now. So you better get my autograph now. I'm going to be bigger than Oprah by the end of the week, lol. I'm still gushing and geeking out about being called by Sen. Obama on The Ellen Show. It was awesome. Today, I was contacted by a Barack blogger to share my story.

It was an awesome experience that I'll never forget. Since I'm too lazy to rewrite my entire story over again, just click the link.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Port-A-Potties Were Created by The Man to Keep Us Down!!!

Mmm...hmm, that's right! The man created port a potties to keep us down. And when I say the man I mean men. That's right they want to keep us (women) down. Think about it. Who else doesn't give a damn where they pee? It sure as hell isn't women. We take pride in where we go. That's why we spend countless hours thinking about how we're going to decorate our bathrooms, the best towels, hand soap, shower curtains, whether it all matches. Men don't give bathrooms any thought. The few that do get lots of kudos from me. Now, don't quote me, but I'm pretty sure port a potties were created before women got all liberated and started burning bras. I think they created them to discourage women from leaving the house. They wanted us at home having the 2.5 kids and dog while baking fresh bread and cooling down their beers. So they created the port a potty because they know women are very sensitive about where we will go. Come on now, we have all held off on going to the bathroom at least once or twice because the bathroom was just so disgusting. I once held my pee almost 2 hours because I did not want to go pee in a gas station bathroom. Granted, most gas stations are getting much better with keeping up the cleanliness of the bathrooms.

Port a potties are just disgusting and they make my skin crawl. I had the worst time trying to use one. I had no choice. I was in the middle of pumpkin patch and had no other option. Normally, I would just held it together, but this was not the time to be playing around. The damn thing would lean everytime I moved forward. I thought for sure I was going to end up like that guy on Cheaters who got caught cheating with some guy's wife and tried to hide in a port a potty. Dumb ass. The chick's husband pushed over the port a potty with the guy inside. LMAO!!! It makes me laugh just thinking about it. That guy must of smelled worse than dirty ass. Seriously, I would of cried rivers if that would of happened to me and I was sure it was.

The damn things are so small, you can barely turn around in them. You can't hold onto the walls to help support you while you pop a squat because the walls are so filthy. I don't even have to tell you how gross they smell. It's like smelling sun baked piss. Yuck!

So the moral of the story is beware of port a pottys.

*disclaimer* I *heart* men. Especially, my own. Please do not go out and throw rocks at them...well, maybe just a pebble.